Sunday, June 26, 2011

My Cup Runneth Over

Since becoming a mother of two, I find myself reliving Olivia's infancy through each moment that Hannah experiences, and today was one of those days.  Hannah was baptized today and although it was her special day, I found myself reflecting on the day Olivia was baptized.  It made me realize how far we have come as parents, as well as how much Olivia has grown and changed since Hannah has been born.

I can remember the day of Olivia's baptism like it was yesterday.  She was not sleeping, and this had me completely in knots.  I had not anticipated that infancy would be so challenging for Olivia, or for me, and I was not sure what to do with myself.  I was nursing, and wasn't sure how or where I was going to nurse her.  I  had brought a bottle, but had no idea where I was going to heat it, but knew that my particular little one was not going to take cold milk.  I questioned every decision that I made, had anxiety about each choice and how it would impact the next moment, and felt like I was waiting for someone to give me an owner's manual so that I could figure out how to make things go the way I had anticipated before I had realized that I wasn't in control of my life anymore, and never really had been. 

What I also remember from that day, was that in all of this insecurity and anxiety,I loved this little being more than I knew was ever possible.  Just looking at her and holding her was enough to make me cry.  The thought that I had lived twenty-eight years without her in my life amazed me, since I know couldn't imagine another second of life without her in it.

I felt that same intense love today, as I watched Olivia observing her surroundings with that same intensity that I saw in her infancy.  She was watching everyone and everything that was happening and evaluating everything. There was protection in her eyes as she watched over Hannah to make sure that no one was going to harm her. In that moment I saw the bond that they will have between them forever, and I was again reminded of what a gift each day with my girls is, and how much I can't wait to see what the future holds for each of them.